I’ve met a few guys in life who like to “play the field,” guys who are interested in dating several women at once. I used to think this was a bad thing, but I think I figured out how to use it to my advantage.
Some guys just go on random dates with random girls. They never get to know any of them and often only have one thing in mind. These guys often find themselves in the same spot years down the road with unfulfilling lives, because they never experience a deep quality relationship. That being said, this model seems to not work.
Then there are the guys with guts. Guys who are actually dating multiple women at the same time, thinking that women are stupid and it will never catch up with them. They think that as long as they are not seen by their other dates or call their dates the wrong name, that they will play the field successfully. I think women are smarter than that, so let me tell you my angle.
The three women who I date are my wife and my two daughters. So this is not a exciting as you may think if you took the click bait. But you’re already into this short article with me, you might as well finish it.
Every couple weeks I take one of my daughters on a date. They are usually short, in town, and often involve breakfast food. Every once in a while though, I take one of these little ladies somewhere special and we spend a little more money or include a bigger activity.
When I do this I usually take them out as individuals. Does this make it any cheaper? No, it actually takes more money and more time to give each of them a special date with dad. But I think it’s worth it in the end.
My plan is to instill in them what a date should be like. Not the date itself particularly but the kind of guy they are going to want to spend time with. My goal with what we call “daddy dates” is to make my behavior on the dates the standard which they will look for in a young gentleman one day.
Now taking them out, spending money on them, and spending time with them is just the beginning. Here are three things that I do on these dates to help them realize how they should be treated one day by a young gentleman.
First, I want to make them the center of my attention. This seems easy enough but in the age of smartphones and long work hours, it is not easy. Many time work, friends, and entertainment are at our fingertips. It’s easy to just pick up our phones and think, “Well, I’m just spending two minutes of my time – it’s not that big a deal.”
In Ephesians 5 men are told how to love their wives. I think the same principles can be applied for someone who is dating. When I look through that chapter I see that I am supposed to be sacrificing for my wife.
One way we can sacrificially give to our daughters involves our time and attention. One day when a young gentleman thinks he is interested in my daughter I want him to be interested in her. I want him to be focused on her when spending time with her. I want him to be committed while in that relationship.
Second, I want to be gentle with them. I Peter 3:7 actually says that if a man is not gentle with his wife God won’t listen to that man’s prayers. That passage calls us to be understanding with our wives.
How can I be understanding and gentle with my daughters on a date? I realize that they are not me. With them I am gentle, and gracious that they might eat slower than I do and be messier than me. I can model the understanding and gentleness that I hope they will look for in a mate one day.
I also can listen to them. If I want to understand my wife so that I can be gentle with her, I need to listen to her. The same can be done with my daughters. I can listen to them and ask questions of them in order to get to know them better and understand why they think and feel as they do.
The third thing is to simply show them love. This may be one of the easiest tasks. We really can show love through giving them our attention and being gentle with them. Part of loving someone is revealed in how we speak to them. Another way of being loving might be being patient with the time it takes for them to get ready to go on the date.
If we truly love our daughters we will show that to them in a variety of ways. As we love them, they will feel loved. We make sure they know that we’re not just taking them on a date as a part of our checklist, but that we do so because we love them and truly care for them.
I try to take my daughters on “daddy dates“ about once every month or two. If I can keep up this pace I will achieve more than 100 dates by the time they graduate high school. This allows me the chance to model to them 100 different times of how a gentleman should treat them. As I offer them attention, gentleness, understanding and love I hope that one day that’s what they will expect from their dates.
If you are a father with daughters, do you take them on dates? Do you think that “dating” your daughters will have an affect on who they choose to date when they are older? What other attributes, other than what I listed, do you think you should model to them?
Thanks for taking time to read this Maddening Theology post. If you enjoyed this content you can find Pastor Tim’s sermons at www.cornerstoneforestcity.org. You can also join us at 520 Marion St. Browndale, PA 18421 on Sundays at 10:45 AM. To make following the blog easier you can also register. You can also join us on Facebook at Cornerstone Forest City. Also, don’t forget to download our APP on iTunes or Googleplay.